"F" It!!

You know it is bad when you get to the point when you say, "F" It! I have reached this point and feel that I have done EVERYTHING in my power to avoid reaching this point. I give unselfishly and am still screwed over by the one that professes to love me the most. 1 Corinthians 13:4 sums it up. 4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. .

Even though God's Word speaks loud and clear about what love is and should be, I can no longer endure the suffering. It is time to let this bird fly away and not look for it to return. I have compromised my peace of mind, my happiness, and my right to freedom to appease someone who does not know the Godly meaning of "Love"; therefore, I must take 10 steps back and re-evaluate myself and this situation. I miss who I had become. I am no longer the bubbly person that I was; I am always doubting who I am and how I should view myself. I have sold my soul to the devil and I want it back. I love who I was becoming; I love looking at me. Most importantly, I love being loved. I am not loved in this "so-called" relationship. I am being used, used for any and every!! I DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE AND I DESERVE BETTER. I WILL QUIT SETTLING FOR LESS AND WILL SAY "F" IT!!! I LOVE ME MORE THAN I LOVE YOU. I LOVE ME TOO MUCH TO LET ANYONE WALK ON AND OVER ME. IT STOPS RIGHT NOW!!!

I Need U Now!!

I need You now more than I have in a long time. I have stepped up and out on my Faith in You. I know that You have told me to trust You and beleive in You and Your Word. I am here, Lord. Please take me and do what You will. I am at Your mercy, my Father. I come before You on bended knees, Heavenly Father. You are the only one that can carry me through this pain and humiliation. I need you, I need you NOW. Comfort me, Hold me, Nuture me, Calm my spirit!!! I want to be in love with You as I love these things and people, Lord. I want to give You sole power and control over my life, not money nor man. I want to love You, Lord unconditionally. I need thee every hour of my life. COMFORT ME, HOLD ME, NUTURE ME, CALM ME, LORD FATHER GOD!!!! I pray for the wisdom and ability to know when it is You talking to me and not my flesh, Dear Father. I want to be able to recognize Your voice and know how to listen and heed Your Word. Guide me Dear Lord to a more perfect life. I want to be the center of Your attention and I want You to be my all and all before and beyond any worldly thing. You are my Creator and Father and I want to please You!!! I Need You!!!!

Is It Really Over?

I guess it has come to this; it is really over. Everything that we shared is now only a memory. Where did I go wrong? Did I love you too much? Did I give too much too often? Did I try to hard to be your everything? I will never know.

I gave you my heart, my body, and my soul. In return, you left me with sleepless nights, a selfish disregard for men, and a son who I will raise alone.You promised to always be here. You promised that I would always be your one and only love affair. You promised not to be like the rest. You promised!!